Katherine & Roger

For 12 Euros each we'll get same day tickets for the Musee d'Orsay and the Musee Rodin. That sound you're hearing? Roger's head exploding from experiencing the works of art that are in these two buildings. He may never be the same again. (Don't worry. I'll take full responsibility.)

Oooh la la! We are staying at this tres chic petite apartment near the Louvre. Mais oui! You can give us one of our daily trips down to le cafe where we will sip of le vin and be one with la vie de la cite. Manifique! Merci beaucoup!

With your wedding gift we will relax at the bar with the ambiance of being in old Europe sampling a cocktail or two before dinner.

What elicits more sighs of deep artistic contentment than the paintings of Claude Monet? We're planning on taking a day trip to Giverny, to revel in the painter's gardens, listen to the fountains, and soak in the deep peacefulness of the artist's retreat. We will take the train in the morning, enjoy a little lunch, and wander through the gardens all afternoon. We will send you back a postcard, as our artist's patron for the day, and have a special glass of wine in honor of you. (I know, it's not EXACTLY like being there with us, but we'll do our best.) Merci beaucoup!

No trip to England would be complete without a sing along and a couple of pints at the pub. Cheers!

No honeymoon would be complete, without a meeting with the Mona Lisa at the medieval fortress palace of the kings of France. The Louvre Palace bears witness to more than 800 years of history and priceless art work.

We can't go to Paris without seeing this masterpiece of gothic architecture, the cathedral Notre Dame de Paris, imagined by Bishop Maurice de Sully built between the 12th and the 14th centuries (1163-1345).

On this tour we will relax in comfort while viewing the celebrated landmarks of London. If the time is right, we will hear the famous chimes of Big Ben and marvel at the Houses of Parliament that reign so grandly over the banks of the Thames. Then continue to Downing Street, the home of the Prime Minister, before soaring high above the city in the world's tallest observation wheel, the London Eye.

Doesn't get more romantic that this, eh? Two seats in the upper gallery at the Globe Theatre, for an evening performance of Romeo and Juliet on our second night in London. A rose by any other name...

Seeing the best of London's sights! We will be able to just hop-on, and hop-off the topless double decker buses that tour the city on our own schedule.

On the second leg of the trip we're staying with some old dear friends who escaped LA and opened a B&B in Dumfries, Scotland. Roger is going to don a wee kilt and go on a pub crawl. Don't worry. We'll take pictures to post on www.upkilt.com.

Oooh la la! We are staying at this tres chic petite apartment in the heart of Paris. We overlook the narrow city streets and can see the Louvre from the window. You will live vicariously through this gift! (And trust me, you'll love it.)

Oh man, there are so many ways to spend money. Check this out. We're staying at the Langham (formerly known as the Huntington) and they have this amazing room that's just several notches above the regular amazing room. It's an upper floor room, private access, and our own private concierge at the private Langham Club Lounge where we will find five food and beverage presentations served throughout the day including continental breakfast, mid-day snacks, afternoon tea, cocktails, hors d’oeuvres, cordials and after-dinner sweets. OK, it's a bit much, but it's our wedding night. If you wanna indulge us, this would be amazing.

We are starting out in style! Three nights at one of the best hotels in London will help us soothe our jet lagged bodies. What a fantastic way to start out.

Those in the know have strongly recommended the Chateaubriand and a bottle of Moulin a Vent, 2006 at this chic little bistro. And all this time Roger thought Chateaubriand was the site of a WWI battle. Help this poor Yank get some culture, for crying out loud!

Why do you think they call 'em "French" fries? Here's a neat little bistro near the Champs Elysee where you line up with the masses and enjoy a prix fixe menu consisting of a juicy filet, smothered in thin little fries. Fortunately for Roger, the only questions he'll have to answer in French are "How do you want your steak cooked?" "Red or white wine?" and "What do you want for dessert?" Tres facil, no? Merci beaucoup!

Yes, it's true. Our air travel to and from Europe is going to cost less than our wedding night two miles away from our house. Does this make sense? Yes! Thanks to the miracle of Frequent Flyer miles, we're two smart world travelers. You can make our savvy even sweeter and subsidize our jetsetting across the pond. A votre sante!

Back to London to fly out, we're taking the Eurostar through the chunnel back to the UK. The height of luxury and modern transportation. We'll have one last glass of wine en route and toast your health!

Okay, we're not being Bridezillas, here, But after all this planning and exhaustion from adhering to Kathy's minute-by-minute timeline, do you really want us to schlep ourselves to LAX? Imagine us sitting on plush, roomy Corinthian leather seats, popping a split of Piper-Heidsieck, and starting our honeymoon in comfort and ease. Or you can imagine Roger leaving teeth marks on the steering wheel because of a Sig-Alert on the 110. We will raise a toast in your honor!

After three days in London, we're taking the train up through the UK to Dumfries, Scotland. Should be a lovely ride through the countryside.

OK. We're not sailing to Paris from Scotland. But we could just as well be. We're taking Ryan Air which costs NOTHING (like, zero) except for all the extras that they charge, like for checking in at the airport instead of online. So the tickets are nothing but we ended up being charged $150. Don't get me started. It's the funkiest airline I've ever seen. They're talking about charging to go to the loo. I'm so not kidding. Anyway, we may END up sailing if the plane is as funky as their web site. (Or if enough people decide not to pay for the loo. I'm sorry. I wasn't going to go there.)

We'll need a spa day just to ourselves! We will sit back, relax and indulge in a rejuvenating and revitalizing spa treatment or massage to help soothe our tense muscles and to help us get back in the groove.

What about ME, huh? What about the faithful dog? Oh no. THEY get to go sip absinthe in foreign bistros and look at great works of art (whatever). They get to piss in all four corners of the world (I mean, c'mon, how cool would THAT be?) But what happens to ME? They don't even HAVE a picture of dogs on this stupid registry. I do ALL the work around here, protecting and serving and looking cute, and keeping them from sleeping at night when there are so many other things to think about. But no. I'm always forgotten. But this time, hey, it's cool. They're sending me to Hound's Lounge where I can sniff butts and play ALL day long for two whole weeks. And yet they BITCH about the money. These people. Seriously.

Parisian nightlife: Folies Bergere! Jazz! Sultry hermaphroditic vocalistes! We don't yet know what's out there to be sampled in the intoxicating Paris nights, but we plan to find out! Come join us as we stroll down St. Germain and hear some tantalizing sax riff coming from some smoky little jazz club. Or maybe there's something at l'opera we hear about at the last minute. Enable our addictions. Get us hooked. (Maybe next time you can join us!)